I need to get all of my grumpy old man-ness off of my chest so I'm going to write a list of all those things that really, really get on my nerves.
Brace yourselves.

People who insist on decorating their homes in varying shades of brown and beige. People who wear neon tutus in public. Going to Sainsbury's on a Saturday to find a scene like something out of a zombie film. CHAVS (Need I explain any further?). People who let the phone ring, and ring, and ring. Shoe shops who think that any one above a size 4 want to wear ugly lesbian granny shoes. People who say being bi is greedy- so a bisexual person can have one boy or girl friend and be faithful and be considered greedy because they like both sexes yet a straight guy who has sex with any woman he can get it with isn't? Shops being closed on Christian holidays- I'm not a Christian can the shops open for me please? People who wear jogging bottoms, tucked into socks, with dirty trainers and ask you what the fuck you're wearing. People who say they're fat because they want you to say "Oh no, you're so thin, you're wasting away! I'm the fat one if any thing! You're gorgeous, don't say that, please, for the love of God, eat a piece of cake, I'm worried about your size!". People who say they're bisexual because they think it's going to up their social status somehow. People who think that OCD is cool or desirable, or who think they have the right to say that they have it because they "HAVE to have the table straight" or their pencil "ALWAYS goes on the left"- Fuck Off! People who like to say that they have an eating disorder because they skip a meal every now and again or made themselves sick twice in the last six months, because they want attention and people to be concerned about them. People who stare at you because they like to think they're intimidating. Security guards who follow you around the shop because you're between the ages of thirteen and nineteen. Guys who see you kiss another girl and assume it means you'll have a threesome with him. Girls who take pictures of themselves with loads of make up and pushing their boobs out and pouting like a trout, looking away from the camera to make it look like someone else took it when they weren't looking. People who say one funny thing then have to repeat it all the time- it's NOT FUNNY MORE THAN ONCE. People who start conversations and then stop talking. People who can't argue with a hint of eloquence. The people who go on Jeremy Kyle. People who shop at Iceland. People who wear legwarmers as a fashion statement- they're made for dancing, they were never supposed to look cool, and they're not even quirky and original any more. Guys who think it's so funny to ask how much you charge and then when you say "more than you can afford" or just tell them to fuck off, they think 'your mum' is an adequate response. When the toast pops out of the toaster and goes straight on the floor. When you've just finished making your bed perfectly and someone sits on it. When people think it's funny to move something you've arranged on purpose- would you put a concrete block infront of some one who had a wheelchair and laugh at them? The same goes for people who go around switching things on which you've switched off, and think it's funny that you're having a panic attack over it. Guys who relate every question, every fact, every statement, every gesture and every BREATH back to sex, and how they're so getting it all the time. Being able to do a triple pirouette once when no one's looking, then not being able to do it again when you tell people to watch, in fact, not even managing to do a double. Pointe shoe blisters- self explanatory to any one who has ever worn them. Wasps always fucking bombarding you when you go to put the washing out... you don't even need to be holding a jam sandwhich to get attacked these days. Parents telling you, and your friends, to be careful of pedophiles... thanks mum. When it drizzles, but doesn't rain, and you just look like a poodle all day. And last but not least, people who think I'm uncool because I spend most of my time cleaning and ironing.